Saturday, November 27, 2010
working is damn freaking hard
okie maybe its just my job haha
return home at like 12.30?
every day pretty shitty yah
but waitering taught me quite a bit of things la
like the skill itself?
and how we should appreciate waiters more HAHA
its really hard work
what we do
carry your courses
clean up
standing there at your service
topping up your drinks
and handling retarded managers
heh yupp its rather tough
how i learnt all this?
i paper-cut my finger when i broke a bowl
(lucky they dont make me pay)
fell down while clearing dishes
getting scolded by one stupid idiotic manager
that had no eyes to see what i was doing
lucky all my colleagues are manageable people
although 90% are like china peeps ._.
and then there're the super friendly malays :D
they're damn funny to hang around with
and i dont know how
they just make friends with EVERYONE
must ask them to teach me
you just have this sense of familiarity when you talk to them haha
i'm not making sense am i? XD
oh well work
i will see more of it a few years down the road
now i think its just more of see how hard working is
and how tiring earning money is
and it helps me to take my mind off...
things
but it does give me A LOT of time to think though
argh i'm soo messed up
7:36 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
there i'd done it again
lost my temper
at my super irritating bro
argh more calming down
with no one to talk to
you guys dont know how it feels do you?
no you dont
you're not me
you never know how i feel
9:48 PM
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
read this, seriously
was just thinking about why i'm so introverted
and i guess you guys might too
well i really dont know
being the older child
i guess i run into some... difficulties at times
tragedies? not so...
just complications
and i just explode
like extreme anger and shit
i think after every of these fits right
i just get more and more introverted
like more thinking
more thinking
and more thinking
and i just get it to become my habit
and slowly my personality
just so you know how serious these complications got
i locked myself in my room once
cause of something lah i forgot
i just started kicking my soccer ball damn hard
against the wall, ramming them la
then i just broke down
and started knocking my head against my room door
like slamming you know
and i just refused to let my parents come in
just kept banging my head
it didnt hurt, surprisingly
i just knocked the sense out of myself
argh horrible memories
yupp i dont know really
i'm not exactly the kid
that's happy all day round
in fact i'm mostly thinking and sad
i do get happy really
when things prove my emo thoughts wrong
i get real happy
but not really happens does it?
sigh
someone just reminded me like yesterday
around 1 am?
ended my hotel shift (overtime)
got this random sms
REALLY unexpected
i didnt expect ANYONE to sms me at that time
really
NO ONE
and its finally not me who initiated a convo
really really really rare
he reminded me of what friends really are
i'm always there for everyone
literally
but is anyone there out for me when i need them?
no
none at all
there for everyone
no one there for me
my primary sch life?
most of you guys
your primary school life is soo fun right
sooo happy
sooo whatever
well mine was...
i felt happy
yes
basketball
and catching what more can i ask for?
true friends
maybe i was weird back then
maybe i STILL AM WEIRD
ARGH ):
i dont know
i just felt sooo isolated
from the rest
so what if i'm soo bloody good at running?
6 minutes for 1.6km whatever
no one CARES
i'm just alone
secondary school life?
hahaha pretty drifty
sec 1 and 2
same
i'm just isolated
again
a loner
sure they might pretend to be nice to me
but they just cant wait for the chance for me to go away
because i'm a 'nice guy'
you see
there's always this good-natured chap
hangs around with you most of the time
yet he just isnt funny or cool
and you get this awkward feeling when you talk to him
that's me
an example you say?
hmm we were off to a friends house
1,2...5 of us?
then my friends (suddenly) announced that only 4 of us could go
its like at that moment i knew who had to go
no point waiting for them to choose
well... he had this excuse
that his sister dont allow blah blah blah
then his parents came down to fetch them
4 of them went in
and they were like "eh you sure a not, sorry ah"
then his parent was like
"hey you're not coming?"
"no"
"maaa, jie say at most 4 what"
"where got!! dont mind her lah, get in (:"
well i went
but
I FELT BLOODY EXTRA over there
i wasnt supposed to be there
and yet i'm there
argh horrible memories
sec 3-4 was okay
yet drifty
my class is like cliqued
obviously la but we still get along fine
but i'm like the
lone drifter
i get along like FINE with everyone
but not extra FINE with some
just fine
i discussed this with some of them really
and they were like eh really sia, shit
i'm never that into one clique
JC life is pretty much going to be shit for me
when they all get cliques and stuff
i'm just gonna be the extra one
as always
the uncool extra
its freaking obvious
AR discussion?
uhm just some discussion la
online it was like wth
i say something
ask something it never gets across
never
i've read the history quite a few times
i felt pretty shitty that day
no one listens
you ask me to give ideas?
oh i gave alright
in the end they didnt even consider it
maybe its not good enough fine
but to the point where no discussion was required?
sorry OKAY i just suck
hmmm... real life discussions?
i'm rarely required
always there but rarely required
as usual the extra
who shouldnt even be there
i shan't go into the details
point learnt
i should just SHUT MY MOUTH
no point making yourself look awkward
and make everything else awkward
JUST SHUT UP
as again horrible memories
maybe there are some pleasant memories
but still some horrible ones
who needs me?
WHO NEEDS ME AT ALL?
no one
i just went through pretty much everything my stupid brain can remember
no one ever needs me
i'm just THERE
you need me just for that moment?
use me and throw me aside
see?
i'm always the bloody extra
just there but never needed
do i even have any friends at all?
those that bother talking to me?
not just because i dance good or shit
because i'm me?
i guess no one
i'm just too sucky a person to hang out with
or even talk to
whose ideas just suck too much
who makes everything awkward
who's an introvert
might as well dont talk to him right?
just dao his texts la
convos heck la
a hi should be enough right? "hi"
just leave him la
he should be okay
problem is i'm not
i'm never okay
but no one cares
i dont even think anyone's reading this
i just thought through a lot of stuffs
while waitering
and i guess an inside look would be better
but no one's going to come?
haha fine by me
i didnt expect anyone anyway
let me run away
please
let me go
let me be the perfect i want to be
please
8:21 PM
Sunday, November 21, 2010
holy cow
working as a waiter is bloody hard work
serving at the vip table somemore
the pressure was damn damn damn heavy
argh
1st time working
and they send me to the vip table
they are morons
but whatever i gained some experience
from some china waitress
who kept pissing me off
but i think i pissed her off as well so (:
damn tireeedddd wth
11.30 end shift
dragged myself on the mrt and KOed
sigh
i never want to enter working life
can i stay in my life now
just as it is?
pretty please?
no?
i have to move on?
argh screw you hahaha
hope tomorrow's work will be easier
WHOOSH
time to crash
12:56 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2010
back to the days
where no one reads this
:D
1:36 PM
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
what am i doing?
what on earth am i doing?
i know this aint going nowhere good
or maybe i dont
there might be chaos
there might be paradise
sigh
that's the problem with possibilities isnt it?
a chance that it can go right
a chance that it can go wrong
i'm always fascinated by possibilities
but shit
i always take the risks
gambling so much
putting almost everything on stake
problem is
this time round
the odds are totally against me?
1:99?
i dont know, really
can she really...
we'll have to find out sometime dont we
we'll see, we'll see
but for now
lets take that leap of faith
and try
try
to be perfect
10:47 PM
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
arghh hahaha
feel like such a loser in singapore
everyone's overseass
but oh well nothing we can do about it now
at least i got a a job to occupy my time
:D
hope i dont screw up omg
the task sounds so daunting
plates trays fish dessert
portioning napkin
haha infoverload
lets just see how it feels like being a waiter then
hope it'd be fun :D
was just thinking about some stuff
looking in the mirror
and looking at my ugly face
then i was just going
"can i change this?" "at all?"
no
really, haha no
we cant change the way we look
(i'm not thinking plastic here)
its how we were born
we were born like that right?
then just live with it damn it
i shall stop complaining about my looks already
i dont see the point anymore haha
not like you complain
then you'll turn more good looking
you'll just be wasting time
FROM I'M YOURS
'i've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror"
ahh not bad right ;D
we're just wasting time
time that can be used to improve other parts of ourselves
like your PERSON
INSIDE
YES INSIDE
instead of the outside
okie fine bufflords like yongxin still workout
BUT point is
dont focus too much on your looks anymore
you cant move your eye a bit to the left
or make it bigger or whatever
oh well
i'm going to live with this face
:D
its time to be perfect
(with my face)
11:17 PM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
going for work application tomoro O:
dont know whether i'll make it haha
sounds quite easy
hope it is
things are always much more than they seem arent they XD
some pocket money for my hols bah (:
and for my braces ._.
i swear my teeth are the ugliest things
EVER
D<
braces brace braces nowwww haha
oh well two months of work
shouldnt be that hard :D
and its going to be fun too i think :D
at least i dont have to sit at home
all day
like some boring dying person
yayy :D
9:20 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2010
most likely going to work for this month
hahaha earn some money
can fund my JC stuffs
like uniform and textbooks and what not
sianz lah sigh
nothing to do during the hols anyway haha
i think we should go lanning soon 4A XD
or else everyone gets bored to death
what am i rumbling about
what's with me
argh >_<
i'm damn messed up now
i have no idea what i'm talking about
what what what
arghhhhhh shittt
sorry guys this totally isnt intentional
my thoughts are running wild
i just need time to sort them out
time
time
time
which i have too much of
time to start
10:09 PM
Friday, November 12, 2010
FINALLY
its the start of the hols :D
and i kinda have mixed feelings
its the last day
our 02 sec 4 batch were together
for the last time
our last time together guys
our entire sec 4 batch together eating grad dinner
yesteryester day ):
all our times shared together
ends now and then i guess
i seriously shouldnt have wished so hard for the hols to come
now our year is ending
and i'm moving on to JC
sigh
i guess this is it then?
2010 over now, this very moment
oh well i think we should start treasuring our time more
stop it from letting go past us that easily
but these 16 years have been fun indeed
and relatively carefree
time to start mugging next year then
work for my 10 As (:
LIKE A G6
HAHA sry random
it was like our theme song for our hike yesterday oolala (:
you guys are awesome
(i'm awesome-r though :D)
hahaha these uhm 3 years are quite fun times we shared
i will always treasure them (:
hahaha 2010
its more or less goodbye i guess
11:38 PM
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
its going to be the last day tomorrow
of exams for the 2010 year
and its CHINESE
mugging chinese is uber boring wth
but whatever D:
jiayou everyone for tomorrow hahaha
A1s everyone (:
but at the end of this week
is my OFFICIAL START TO MY HOLIDAYS
WOOHOO :D hehe
cant wait haha but the hike on thurday and friday should be fun right :D
yayy last 3 hours of chinese
then no more chinese FOREVER
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
jiayou fukang (: (: (:
8:06 PM
Sunday, November 7, 2010
yesterday was crazy omg
so many things up on my mind
re competition
rs
wow
guess what
we got second for both
always silver huh haha
we lost to SCGS damn
we lost to fortify damn
but i had fun oh well
its all that matters isnt it?
BCG competition
just went there
couldnt present because i was sick last weekend ):
just lamely answered a few questions
honestly i thought ours was better than SCGS
but the judges are males so... ):
XD kidding
they're some bigshots siol
we could've won lah
but oh well i had to rush off for RS
we've been practising for ages omg
okie lah not really ages but 2 weeks
our synchro was damn good lah seriously
the judges... fail
but it was really fun up there
on the stage
didn't feel nervous much
just confident and happy :D
couldnt see the crowd anyway under the spotlights so :D
S&SB was and is awesome (:
looking back at at the start of the year
i was just going like "SICK" at ryan's dance moves
to think that i can actually do some of it now
wow i've come far
oh well time to go further
its time to be perfect
11:26 AM
Friday, November 5, 2010
omg
tomorrow's the dayyyyy
i have BCG ASIAN FINALS
and RAFFLESIAN SPOTLIGHT
arrggghhhhh
who tell me so talented (:
oh well hope we win SCGS (:
and HOPE WE WIN RS
WE CAN DOOO THIS :D
we've got some serious competition omg
jiayous S&SB (:
all the way manxzxz
we'll pwn this shit yea?
just be confident guys (:
its time to be perfect :D
10:51 PM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
screw all of this
my mum is pissing me off big time
i come home
bloody tired
12 hours at school dancing for RS
i bathed
prepare for dinner
she walks into the kitchen
the convo went something like that
mum: did you finish all the rice (with the pissed off look)
me: no
mum: how much left?
me: how am i supposed to tell you? 1847 grains left? (i was intending to joke)
mum: you better dont argue with me (voice raised)
me: i didnt even want to argue in the first place
mum: whatever, i dont care. Only know how to argue to your mum.
i was bloody pissed off
she was arguing with her mum or something
but that doesnt freaking mean
she can take it all out on me
i WILL EFFING retaliate
argh wthell man
i come home so tired
only know how to shout at me
just shut up
>(
now with my bro's earpiece stuck in my ears
wanna know how i got it?
me: eh lend me your earpiece for awhile
bro: why?
me: just lend lah, you dont need what
bro: i want leh
me: i NEED, i studying for Os
effing hell
your phone pro-er than mine damn big lah
got earpiece big lah
everyone's so damn selfish
the most i go buy one lo
screw it
audiotherapy...
calm down
calm down
10:00 PM
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
last day of school today
last day of my sec 4 life
with 4A
gonna miss you guys
we're all awesome hahaha
all the jokes/pranks on the teachers
all the retarded stuff we did
everything that made us 4A
sigh
4 years just blinked past like that
wow
guess its on to JC life then
its really time to start mugging
buck up if i want my scholarship
if i want my future life to be good
but still
all the memories of 4A
we will all treasure them right? (:
all the best people
in your JC life ;)
(yknow what i mean ;) )
8:30 PM
