Tuesday, December 28, 2010
i hope my confidence problem's solved (:
i been feeling better
i mean doing things with that sure-ness
has a new thrill on its own
maybe i've been too worried about losing face and shit
but really maybe its time to go past that
not to be too wild
but just more confident
lets keep trying (:
its time to be perfect
10:24 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2010
spending christmas stuck at home
with lots of shit to think about
hahaha pretty much all alone
no one cares lah
wishing everyone merry christmas at 12 am
thats about the most i did
in order not to be forgotten
coming to think of it
i'm always forgotten
say i'm unmemorable think i'm lame
feel i'm normal
yes i get it
i'm freaking boring okay
no one actually remembers me when they do everything
even my parents
forgot my birthday this year
why?
why am i such a loser?
seriously i try
i really try my best
hanging around, msn convos, smses
i still...
i'm still left out
don't say i'm complaining
because seriously, you dont know how it feels
YOU ALL dont know how it feels to be ignored
because you're all so cool and shit
have all your besties around you
you never get ignored
i, on the other hand, am easily forgotten
ignored, dao-ed, whatever
rarely invited for shit
unless i shamelessly go and ask
like lets say your friends
supposedly the ones that you're closer to
invites 'everyone' to go for like, a basketball day out
or some outing lah
and you just HAPPEN to get not invited
i mean like
these are the guys you hang out with
or in my case
TRY to hang out with
and they dont even bother to want you along
am i trying too fucking hard or what?
i just dont know
i dont understand
everytime i feel like i'm settling in and all
i just get pushed aside
i'm freaking lost
who do i think i am anyway?
not everyone has to invite me right?
maybe i'm just too into myself
i'm just thinking too highly about myself
maybe i was never any of your friends to begin with
i was just deluded
i was just the tag-along-guy
i was just the screw up
maybe i should just stop trying altogether
and stop trying so hard for that little bit of acceptance
yea go on ignoring me
go on daoing me
i'm fine with it
just... fine
i'm not anyone anyway
:(
8:54 PM
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
havent had so much fun in a long time
reminds me of the time i used to spend a few years ago
when you had nothing to care about
just a carefree world i'm living in
so much things have changed hasn't it?
went for a sleepover at RAFFLES TOWN CLUB
supsup manzxz it was awesome
catching up with old friends
and having lots of fun with them as well
luckily we can appreciate a little immaturity at times
and omg it was some suite
rich people's stuff heh
8 people cramping into one suite
hahaha it was just fun and retarded
went for kbox session with hai yin friends :D
but rather shagged out after yesterday heh
didnt sing much anyway
i suck at singing ): boohoo
i suck at everything la hahahah whatever
also rather retarded
everyone shouting in the room
random comments and such
it was still quite awesome :D
we should go out for more heh (:
a few hours of life
when its just like LIFE
you know without all those shit
making you emo or think
its just having fun
continuous endless fun
play play play
sing sing sing
dance dance dance
you get what i mean
sigh i just wish i get more of those moments
(:
and the holidays are zoooming past me crap ):
8:36 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2010
can you like everyone?
or at least be neutral to everyone?
those retarded
those annoying
just accept them for who they are
and learn to see their strengths
hmmm... i hope i can
i mean just think about it
(i obviously have thought about it)
imagine how screwed up the other person will feel
if you just dust him aside
or just nod at him when he's trying to make conversation
its just... VERY depressing i guess
that feeling is so very screwed up
he might be trying his best
to blend in, to be friends
or just to make casual talk
and you brush him off
i mean not just plain ignorance or dao-ing
its like because you dont like him as a person?
as who he is?
he cant change that can he!!
its his personality!!
it is what defines him
its his personality
and you hate him for it
why cant WE learn to appreciate everyone
everyone around us for who we are
we all will be much happier this way
seriously
put on some specs people
look at everyone in a new light
in a light which you can see all others' strengths
and ignore their weaknesses for once
maybe you'll find what acceptance truly means
and how others appreciate your acceptance
(:
9:51 PM
Monday, December 13, 2010
havent posted in a while haha
nothing's going on sigh
just thinking about how to build up self confidence
what cca imma go to in JC
and many other stuffs heh
maybe my life isnt as complicated as i thought it is
but it seems way too simple
i need to make more use of my time
WE need to make more use of our time
in the mrt today
some old man kind of fell on me
cause the mrt was shaking kinda retarded-ly
i know, maybe we're MANY years away from that
but time does fly
soon, we'll be craving immortality
or something like that
i don't want to grow old ):
but you cant stop these things can you
oh well
we still have our youth
treasure it :D
self confidence? hmm...
i dont really know how to go about doing this um
confidence boost thingie heh really
i dont even know how my confidence
got so thrashed up in the first place
i dont remember being so... weak in the mind
i used to be um more daring?
i dont know how to phrase it la
i just wasnt this weak
got to find my confidence back
how?
i'll figure it out
i always do :D
5:15 PM
Thursday, December 9, 2010
nothing's going on right now
hahaha just stuck at home
doing nothing... much
blehhhh and i'm too lazy to go down to play basketball alone ):
yuck i'm turning into a fat slug
i should go play bball or something
anyone? :D
hahaha but right now
lets just appreciate the fact that december is here
and we have about a month?
to properly rest
and brace ourselves for our JC lives
and whatever that's coming our way la
i just hope
i dont turn fat in the process ):
cheerios people :D
10:15 PM
Saturday, December 4, 2010
screw it la
thanks man i needed that
time to wake up bro
you're not as screwed up
as you think you might be
hmm...
maybe i do have some hope after all
alrgiht alright argh
i've been too messed up
WAY too messed up
let's throw the past behind
its time to be perfect
10:26 PM
Thursday, December 2, 2010
HALLO!!! back from penang heh
4 days of break :DDD
quite relaxing
played table tennis with my bro
stuffed myself with awesome foods
but i swear
I'M GETTING FATTTTTTT
got to exercise soon ):
hahaha spent a lot of time thinking
i dont know la
just yknow
when you're sitting on a ferry during the night
or sitting on a bus/taxi
it just makes you think
or maybe its just me (:
and ON THE PLANE OMG
all the clouds just MAKES you think
hmm... on the plane
i was thinking like
"finally, fukang, you realise how small and insignificant you are"
cause you'll see all the islands
and water and clouds
and then i just realised that
they might seem small
from 10000 metres up high
but really, i'm just that small compared to them
i need to come back down from the clouds
and come back down to reality
alright face it
i'm just not as BIGSHOT or whatever
i'm just not that significant to anyone
or everyone, for that matter
i mean, the world is gigantic dude
and there're people out there better than you
so you're not that great after all
mhmmmm not that great
then holy crap
the plane touchdown right
then the runway was like wet (cause of rainnn)
the plane was like BLOWING away the water
DAMN COOOL
(sorry)
like 'VOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH'
then i was thinking
hmm just maybe
i might be of some impact
when i try, when i come back down to reality
i might be of some worth after all
sigh a plane ride gets me soooo confused
but it was some nice thinking time
hmm this penang trip also showed me
how much i value my parents
all your fathers and mothers might be healthy and earning good money
but mine arent that fortunate
MY father used to be a soccer player
then he drank damn little water
then during work also
he never drink water, never go toilet
some problem with his excretory system came up
now he cant eat peanuts and a lot of other food
or his leg will start swelling
DAMN painfully
my heart aches just talking about it
he was still eating all the food he couldnt eat
"aiya a bit of medicine can already la"
i was watching him LIMP
argh ): my father is RESPECT man
he started working at 12?
and i'm complaining about my job
and all of you out there
some not working?
you all cant and wont understand my father's pain, never
my mum was washing ALL our clothes
during the entire holiday
maybe because i have NO clothes to go out in?
(i just didnt bring that many)
she might go angst on me a few times here and there
but she is the one major TANKER
behind all the house chores and my education
my parents
respect
sorry i just...
sigh
i dont know why
all of you out there
can be soo lucky
rich, smart, good looking, good parents, talents and what-not
and you're going "FML"
hahaha just take a look at mine alright
and see how fortunate you retards are
and maybe start APPRECIATING your parents' efforts
not saying i'm not lucky enough
just saying that YOU ALL
should stop taking all your luck for granted
stop complaining
i'm very very much worse off
and stop taking your FRIENDS for granted
be glad you still have people to talk to
cause i really dont
some of you dont even know the feeling of being ignored
cause you're all popular and shizzz
ha i'm just not
i cant change that can i
START LOVING YOUR LIVES you retards
cause i'm loving mine
10:10 PM
