Saturday, February 26, 2011
Its been sooooooo long since i've last posted hahaha sorry guys. (:
I just decided to write today, because its like a Saturday and i don't really feel like doing my work yet, and because i'm feeling a bit low about rj stuffs. ):
I think its just me lah, but still everyone's got stuff to do, and i'm just left out
Ryan has df, yongxin has df, everyone i used to hang out with has df. What am i going to doooooooooo ):
Its like after school, and then you feel like lepak-ing around lah (its just the general feeling), then you have no one to lepak with... dayum ): i mean i'm just not used to it? We used to hang out so much hahaha fun times fun times (:
I guess I'm just the only one that haven't caught up yet, not everyone has time to spend with me anymore, I need to start being over-achieving in RJ heh
that's it i guess
time to look for a lot more stuffs to do :D
(and try not to think of them anymore)
12:29 PM
Monday, February 21, 2011
havent posted in forever omg
life's fun and getting a bit hectic lah
j1 life hahaha
but feeling a bit sick now
i'm deciding to be productive today
so short post
):
longer one next time :D
8:03 PM
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
i
hate
to
be
so
alone
I have never ever felt so alone. Maybe that's what RJ life holds for me i guess. It freaking sucks, and its not about popularity at all. Its my class. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST TOO COOL to hang around and bond seriously. When you go to JC life, you better hope there're some cute losers like me in your class that actually ain't too 'cool' to talk to the girls. I mean like, our class is totally cliquey. First there's the gender divide, basically just boys one side and girls the other, because some of the guys just don't bother to talk to the girls. THEN, some of these guys run off to hang around with their other 'cool' guy friends, leaving the girls to group around and chitchat. AND WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO EFFING GO HUH. BLOODY RETARDS SERIOUSLY WHAT HAPPENED TO CLASS SPIRIT!! I'm just stuck in the middle. It'll be damn awkward to just go talk to the entire group of girls solo, or maybe its just me, but still i just couldnt bring myself to talk to all of them alone. When i tried to find my own friends? Hahaha "with my class" "hanging around with my class" "lunching with my class" yah everybody's with their classes, with enthu-enough people to bond with. Seriously, at first, I had a one hour break in the morning, during the second period, and i was supposed to meet up with my og mates for fun lah. THEN NO ONE CAME... all hanging with their classes. Fine, its only an hour, i took a walk around the campus and found other classes playing Twin Towers, haha it was fun watching them for awhile and then i continued my walk alone. Then yayyy my og mate promised to meet after the next period, at 10.40 because i had this like giant long long break before my next period at 1.30 :D and yayyy the third period passed damn fast. Just when i thought my og was going to meet up, "hey i'm still hanging around with my class..." seriously argh i dont want to say anything here but i was damn bloody disappointed. Our class was forced to meet up (it was damn sad), and we crashed some other class's twin towers (everyone's playing twin towers dont know why). THEN WE BROKE UP AGAIN... at 11.30. _l_ i had absolutely no idea what to do. I called ryan seah, with his class. I called sudeep, with his class. I called yong xin, didnt pick up. I was bloody effed up, i hung around with some other cute loser like me for some time, then even he left. All alone. I know i'm sounding a bit dramatic and shit but no kidding, that feeling sucked super badly. Looking around to find all your friends/og mates hanging around with their classes/friends i felt super left out and alone. Not like i'm blaming anyone for hanging with their classes or anything, its just that i'm jealous. Jealous of everyone having company. Jealous of everyone having fun. Jealous of them not feeling alone. Why do i have to be the only one being left out? What if i can dance?! NO ONE'S THERE TO SEE ME DO IT. You guys go on and on about how pro i am (which is utter rubbish), but you guys have classes and friends that you can hang out with, i dont. I really dont know what to do, for the rest of the free (alone) time i have, i'm just going to practise dancing. I dont care if anyone sees me or not, its the only avenue where i can de-stress and have fun. Not like i have anything else better to do, no one to hang out with. I'm damn dissapointed lah. Maybe its just the super sharp contrast to orientation where everyone was bonding so tightly, but still that doesnt mean our class cant do the same. WHY. Does the problem have got anything to do with me? What am i doing wrong? Am i being too shy? I'm being myself already what, I do try talking to the girls, but everything still seems so alone. What am i doing wrong?! Here's a song i'm listening now while writing this:
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Right on the dot, thank you simple plan. Do you guys know what it's like to be like me? To be left out, i'm bloody sick of it. I was alone in secondary school, i tried to change it in sec 3/4 but when i come to jc, just when i thought my og was awesome, i'm all alone again. Welcome to my life. (: Now you know what i'm going through. That's it, i'm just going to solo this whole shit, join dance, enjoy myself and study my ass off. I hate being so alone, but there's really nothing i can do about it when everyone else is forging new friendships, everyone's too busy. I might make new friends, you say, its true, i dont deny that. I've already made new friends through my OG, but your classmates are still the people you're going to hang around most with. What to do? Seriously, what to do? 2 years of this, hmm i could get used to it.
Sorry, i think i'm just in my emo-er states now but i had to spit it all out. Such a depressing start to my jc life, but i'll handle it. What have i not gone through hahaha. Lets hope my class starts to bond. Hopefully. Anyway street dance trials are tomorrow!! Lets hope i make it :D Modern dance was tougher than i thought. They taught you 3 routines (2 dances, 1 floorwork) and some freestyle session at the end. Dont know whether i'll make the second cut. Oh well good luck everyone for your trials!! (:
6:14 PM
Sunday, February 6, 2011
havent posted in super long haha
sorry people (:
i mean like after orientation its CNY in your face :D
so angpaos kinda distracted me ;P
hahaha ANYWAY
orientation was da boomz man
the other 3 days of orientation were super fun
we played lot of games and its was really bonding
everybody started to high up towards the end lah
we warmed up to each other more
and the awkwardness just wasnt there anymore :D
BB06 DRUMSTICKZ YOU GUYS ROCK HAHA
especially so with me around duh :P
jkjk (: but seriously i think these are the friendships
that will hold strong for quite some time
not likely to forget these people around you :D
ALRIGHT OG PEEPS SEE YOU TOMORROW HAHA :D
CNY...
its surprisingly tiring hahaha
not the angpao collecting
cos its like we'll go to my relative's house
and then we'll ALL go out somewhere until super late
-yawn-
there goes our holidays
so fassttttt
and school's gonna start damn
dont know whether i'll cope or not ):
missing orientation already haha
oh well :P
time to mug
10:28 AM
