Saturday, March 26, 2011
feeling super down today
my self esteem already not that high
people just have to rub it in my face
maybe not intentionally
i'm just overthinking
but that's why i'm here in the first place
i dont look good
i dont do any shit good
what was i thinking
that i actually stood a chance?
forget it man you really cant
you wont
you dont
you never will
i'm just deceiving myself again and again
funny what your ego does to you sometimes
brings you out of reality
and when you think back to reality
you fall down so hard
like now
its painful to a certain extent really
either i'm already numb
or i just dont care as much
was talking to my friend today
talk talk talk
then randomly bring up gfs
cos last year got classmate
jokingly (obviously) say i would get a gf
apparently that person heard it
and then told me
"omg why would anyone like you"
i mean wts, dont know whether joke a not
but thinking of it
i couldnt disagree
argh whatever such an awkward topic
and then before that
also got some people say i'm not their type
i mean i had no intent of liking people
then they bring it up
am i really that shitty to be around with
to the extent that you have to tell me not to like you
seriously?
what am i doing wrong?
what are your types, people?
what kind of people do you like?
definitely not me
i get it
i know where my chances stand
i know i'm not your prince charming
i know that i'm just some lame loser
you just didnt have to bring it up
and remind me that i'm some loser shit
fine i'm pushing too much blame to you all
not your fault anyway
i'm overthinking as usual
but how is any of this shit not true
personality personality
everyone says personality is everything that matters
then what's wrong with mine
which part of me do you guys not like?
or is it just the x factor that i lack
whatever
this shit is bloody depressing
i've been through a long week
then weekend also need to emo over this crap
i'll just try and sleep over it
not healthy for self esteem
or whatever's left of it
sigh i dont even feel sad
just useless
pure plain averagely useless
10:49 PM
