Thursday, June 30, 2011
CTs are over. And yet i'm still feeling down. Probably still wearing the stress off. But still i'm feeling left out. And i was thinking, maybe not just this time round. Everytime I go dancing, somehow i'll just end up the only one dancing while the rest go and talk and socialise. I'll end up the outcast and its just damn awkward for me to just go and join back halfway. I probably won't be any better there anyway. Nothing i say is funny, no jokes no humor no nothing. I heard people saying that, its not just me thinking and making all this shit up. And the reaction to everything i say is super obvious too. Whenever i high up and lose control of myself, i just talk a lot and it becomes awhile before i realise that everyone's just waiting for me to shut up. Because nothing i say is interesting, and nothing i say can match up to what others say. I should just shut down. Shut down my emotions and feel nothing. I should just shut off. Shut off the world from me. I should just shut up. Shut up and keep quiet, nothing i say is going to matter anyway. I should just shut down , shut off and shut up.
I might be overthinking, but whatever. I just want to feel happy.
8:50 PM
