Thursday, May 19, 2011
its just so damn frustrating
i dont even know what to do anymore
its so freaking hard to please everyone
i try my very best
and people just don't appreciate it the way i expect them to
maybe i'm expecting too much out of everyone
maybe everyone doesn't even need me to be there
maybe i'm trying too hard
there're so many maybes piling up
and then crashing down on me all so suddenly
and somehow when you emerge from all these maybes
you realise that maybe what you're doing
is either not enough
or not good enough
and more often than not
its just that i'm not good enough
i don't even know why i expect so much out of everyone
i'm just too bloody naive
i think that i give my best
people will appreciate it and return the gift whole-heartedly
when actually people tear open the gift wrapper
and then forget who gave the present in the first place
and maybe just toss the present aside
because all that's sitting in that little wrapper
is a dull, uninteresting, boring old cardboard box
its not even the fact that i don't paint it
nor is it the fact that i didn't decorate it
people just seem blind to the fact that i'm actually trying
and they just use the box for a soccer ball
or a soccer box in this case
what can i actually do
so that the box actually seems like a colorful treasure box full of jewels to you all
i dont even know what to do anymore
everytime i try so hard
other people do better without even trying
i'm tired of the feeling
that i'm being compared to people
i do it
you do it
we do it
as much as anyone says they're not comparing you to other people
what you got to understand is
when people actually like being around other people
enjoy themselves more around them
you ARE being compared
you cannot match up to the other people there
they're just better in ways you cannot seem to see
and its making me feel more and more left out
left out of everything i used to once have
left out and feeling ever so alone
i can feel it
when people are around me
they just don't seem to be as interested to talk to me compared to other people
and when they stick around them it just proves my point more
and it just hurts me to see people like that
i feel so under-appreciated
i dont think i should try so hard anymore
i dont think i should expect so much out of everyone
i should just give up
the whole world's just bearing down on me
so hard i'm collapsing from the weight
and no one even notices i'm carrying it in the first place
no one ever notices the small little things i try to do
call me attention seeking
call me a retard
call me whatever
i don't even feel like caring anymore
i dont want to give a shit anymore
i just want to give up and cry
cry my heart out, just let all my failures out through my tears
i want so much to be appreciated like everyone else
i want to make everyone smile and laugh
i want everyone to like being around me
i want everyone to be happy
i want to be funny
i want so much
people say "be yourself, be yourself"
SINCE WHEN HAS THAT EVER BEEN ENOUGH
SINCE WHEN HAS THAT SUFFICED
IF IT HAS
I WOULDNT BE IN THIS SHIT I AM RIGHT NOW
ITS JUST SO DAMN FRUSTRATING
I'M JUST TOO LOUSY AND TOO BORING
TO BE OF ANY FUN TO BE AROUND WITH AT ALL
AND I HATE IT
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SHITTY IT FEELS TO BE BORING
I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO BORING
BUT WHAT CAN I DO
people don't care about what you try to do
they just care about what you do in the end
should i just pretend
what's the use in being all so true and sincere with my personality
maybe i should start hiding it
i should start censoring it
there's not point actually
NO ONE CARES
i really am lost
i dont know what to do
if you guys really don't like talking to me
i'm just going to be disappointed
there's nothing i can do anyway
i'm just forever going to be left out
and kicked aside like a lost puppy wandering around aimlessly
and maybe someday i'll find a home to go to
but right now
its just the streets for me
no pun intended
and right now
i just want to escape from this world
escape from this uncaring world which i have no place in
there's no one that wants me here anyway
how can i run away
i just want to run away into some other dimension
or stop time probably
and take a break
a break from all this shit i'm going through
and then maybe i'll come back into the real world
just maybe
a very big maybe
10:50 PM
